Pick any scene: it’s early Monday and go through emails like a hungry bear seeking berries. One email snags my eye out of the blue: “Spontaneous Drug Test Scheduled.” My mind makes that noise trains make when they go over the tracks too fast.
But as close to fan as my coffee got, it never actually got there, thank God.
The rundown is what I’m getting at. Companies need to keep their people in line. Like steering a ship, you want to make sure your crew doesn’t start swinging from the mast after too much rum has been passed around. Employee Drug Screening service the company and ironically, the employees themselves. Who wants to be involved in a work accident because Bill from accounting figured he needed an extra illegal pick-me-up to get through his day?
But the shades are pretty wild. It seems like Emily from HR is constantly having to schedule screening parties, I mean meetings. In terms of logistics, she’s got this endless checklist and walks a line almost as delicate as grandmother’s yarn. She orchestrates, ballet targeted and timed like a well oiled symphony.
Remember those awkward school dances? Where you never really danced so much as awkwardly step to not get closer than 3 feet to your partner? For some, drug testing feels like that: unpleasant but necessary in service to others. I’m sure the individual being tested wants the swab over with soon as possible. The tester would probably just as soon not be there. Nobody, I’m telling you, gets excited over this process.
This is where it goes from nutty to downright sophisticated. Given how large the country is, laws twist and turn depending on where you are located. Think of it like picking toppings on a pizza: what’s cool here might be not so cool somewhere else. And don’t forget about those emergency situations, those unexpected guests that come over and ruin your house.
Charlie once told me his buddy tried out for the exam with some vinegar stuff he got online somehow. It didn’t work. Well, gotta tip your hat to the guy trying. Guess outsmarting your little brother at checkers was just a smidge easier than trying to pull a fast one on the system.
Essentially, these ID checking sessions with a quick nod are like building bouncers standing the club’s entrance, making sure people have IDs. These guys help make sure everyone is cool, nobody is bringing stupid into the mix, and that everyone is having a safe time.